Chemo round 2 done!
About a week ago I had my second round of The Red Devil and Mr. Cyclophosphamide, the two evil villains wreaking havoc on my rogue cancer cells. This marks the halfway point with the more aggressive meds and is definitely something to celebrate! I have two more rounds of these meds in April and then I am on to weekly doses of Paclitaxel until August.
It's clear now that my main issue with chemo is fatigue and sleeplessness. These two things leave me feeling less than human on many days the week after treatment. To give you a sense of what kind of exhaustion I am talking about - Taking a shower can send me to the couch for an hour and a 30 minute walk can be out of the question depending on if I slept much the night before. But if this is what I have to deal with, I will take it. It could be so much worse - nausea, appetite loss, body aches, etc.
The road I am on has started to show it's true length in my mind and some days I feel like August is never going to come. As last Thursday approached, I felt my body saying that it didn't want to go in for round two, it was already tired enough. The fatigue I am feeling now, and anticipate feeling with each future treatment, is making the months remaining feel like the longest months I have ever imagined. The thought of more rounds tires me out and makes me feel like I am staring out onto a never ending desert with no end in site.
Desert outside of Abu Dhabi, UAE - 2018
Please don't interpret this to be me saying I am sad, upset, or distraught. I am not - I still have the spit, fire, and vinegar in me that I have always had during this fight. I am just feeling tired of chemotherapy already even though I have only had two rounds. At times it feels like a really large number of days, weeks, and months remain to take on. But one day, week, and month at a time they will pass and in my heart of hearts I know I can do this as many others are doing at the same time as me.
Today I feel like I am back on the upswing to "new normal" energy. I also get to wash my hair which I am looking forward to and a bit nervous about. After this second round of chemo my hair really started to shed, and I have realized that I am going to be the creator of many hair tumble weeds for the coming months. But as of today I still have a normal head of hair and there are no major patches falling out. Based on what should be happening to my hair if I were not cold capping, this is a definitive win!
From here on out I have to be really gentle with my hair - combing it with a wide tooth comb just to get the tangles out and then putting it back for the day/night. I get to wash it twice a week and have to use cool water and low pressure to clean it. There is a lot of hair coming out right now, so seeing these tumbleweeds in my hand is a little distressing. But it would be happening regardless, so I am framing this as a "chose your path" sort of thing. I can either lose it all, or lose it in waves while still retaining some of it - but no matter what I am going to lose hair.
Well friends, I am going to embrace the energy I am feeling and take on the day. I hope that this update finds you well! We love and miss you!
-Nic and Tim
